Monday, January 30, 2012

Not a day goes by

Between the hustle and bustle of the holidays, which extend into January for my birthday I go through a huge mix of emotions.  Of course there is the excitement of the holidays, the stress of getting everything done and the missing of people that can't be with us.  Everyday that goes by I think of my Nana. She was a huge part of my support system growing and we had a deep, unique relationship that will never ever be able to be replicated. She was the one who taught me about a "one true love" and the one I could lay in bed with and watch the news (and trash TV, but she wouldn't want me announcing that) at any hour of the day. I could hold her hand if I was scared or anxious, laugh with over the dumbest jokes or cry with her over nothing at all. She was also there sharing in the every day events that made me who I am today. 

I thank God all the time for the time I got to have with her.  Not everyone can say that they spent a portion of almost every day with one of their grandparents. That makes me feel pretty lucky.  Her time with me may have been shorter that I would have wanted, and as my wedding nears I may grow sadder thinking that she can't be there to share in the day I have dreamed of and planned songs for my entire life but I know she is watching down guiding me, and happy that she knows that because of her, I really truely know how to love with my whole heart.  I am so happy that Brent got to meet her, even if it was only for a short six months.   She knew right from the start that he was a keeper and she was aboslutely right. 

So is just a normal monday....not a holiday or an event, but I have learned over the last 2 1/2 years that missing someone every day is not a bad thing. I don't cry every time I talk about her anymore (just sometimes) because I know that just because I may not be able to see her, doesn't mean that she isn't with me at every moment of every day.  And she wouldn't want me to be sad thinking about her being gone, she would want me to be happy thinking about all of the times we had over the 8,395+ days that we got to spend part of together.

"Even though I can't touch your face, I feel you with me everyday and I wish you could see all my dreams coming true. When I get lost I close my eyes and feel you shining down so bright, I feel you shining down on me..." -Kellie Pickler, lyrics from  My Angel

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