Tuesday, February 28, 2012

To speak, or not to speak

This morning, on my way to work I was listening to the Kane show (like every morning) and they were doing a segment that caught my attention. Two of the interns in the office have become close friends. The one girl told the other that she should get rid of her boyfriend because he is not good to/for her. Well, of course, this caused a rift between them.  Kane had listeners call in to give there opinion. 

There were some girls that said they always give their friends their opinion, no matter what...

Then there were others that called in, who had been the person who had gotten the opinion, lost all of their friends because of it, and was now getting divorced from the person who was the cause of the issue...

Then there were the girls that said, no matter what, as long as there is no form of abuse in the relationship, you keep your mouth shut... 

The later has always been what I follow.  I have always thought, no matter how close the friend...it is their life, their choice, and in turn their mistake. But, is that really the right way to look at it? Is it really ok to just let your friend date/become engaged/marry someone who, in your heart of hearts, you believe is not a good person? 

As I was thinking about it more throughout the day my perspective became more clear.  I think that it is ok to keep your opinion to yourself if it is simply a personality clash with your friends significant other. That is why he is with her, and not you. BUT, I think that it is completely ok to say something if you think that the significant other is not a good/nice/kind person.  Why would you want your friend to end up with someone who treats them badly? or is completely selfish? or expects them to change who they are?

I am curious on others opinions.  I believe that my outlook on this has changed with age.  Even just a few years ago I would have said, MOUTH SHUT, no matter what. But, now as I get older, that just doesn't seem right. If you can tell your friend your honest opinion on small things, shouldn't you be able to give your opinion on one of the biggest decisions of their lives? If you see your friend doomed to unhappiness at the beginning, why not wave a small red flag? Explain that you won't judge for their decision, but you think they should see an outsiders opinion. 

That just leaves one question. After something is said, will they still be your friend?

1 comment:

  1. I think you should say something if someone is being treated poorly and/or an a$$hole. Or you should say something if the friend specifically asks for an opinion...still, maybe sugar coat it. i DONT think you should say anything if you just don't necessarily JIVE with your friend's significant other and/or you don't understand their relationship. To each their own.