Yesterday, I accidentally found out some sad news. As I was perusing facebook I came across someone from my past. I noticed that his profile picture was an old one of he and his older brother (the brother being the person I knew better, we will call him W). At that moment I got a sinking suspicion that something bad had happened. After googling W's name (the number one way to find out information) I quickly found an obituary. At that moment, I felt sad thinking he must have been sick at a young age and passed away. Or an accident must have happened. I noticed that the obituary said "suddenly", so I looked further down in google and saw a bunch of articles. Needless to say something horrible happened to him.
It has been weird finding this out about W after having no contact with him for 10+ years. It seems as if it shouldn't affect me like it has. But I have not been able to stop thinking about it since I saw the articles. I can't stop myself from googling and reading more and more. It's one of those scenarios where you can't really describe how you feel, because you really just don't quite know. Am I sad? Yes, but not in the "miss you" way. How can you suddenly miss someone that you haven't talked to in a long time anyways? Am I shocked? Absolutely. It was information that had been published on the internet, on television, in newpapers and it took me two months to see it? It all just seems very odd. How did no one who knew W and the connection with my family not see it until me, just yesterday? Am I disturbed? Yes. I think that is the number one thing I am feeling. How can something so bad happen to someone who was good? You always want to wish and hope that bad things didn't happen to good people, but I guess that just isn't how the world works.
I know this is the most generic post ever, and I am sorry. But I don't really want to share names/scenarios since I am so conflicted with my feelings as it is. This is all the explanation that is really necessary. Just that someone, who once had a strong impact on my childhood has passed away in a very sad way and it just doesn't seem fair to him or his family that he had to go so soon, especially like that. I hope that W was able to find peace after this up in heaven and that he gets to spend time with my Nana up there looking down over his angels, just like I know she looks down over my Mom and I everyday.